Catching Up

Well it's been quite a while since I have posted anything on my blog. College life is keeping me busy, as is spending time with my friends and boyfriend. God has been doing a lot of things in my life in the last few months... probably far more than I could summarize in a concise enough space for a blog post. So...here are the highlights.
First, I find it interesting how, as a believer, I struggle with even the most rudimentary things sometimes. Parts of my life that long should have been habit are still things I have to school myself to do. Daily Bible study for one, and another example, trusting God first, and not trying to fix things myself. It constantly perplexes me how I can overcome something, and then a few days, weeks, or months later, realize I'm dealing with the exact same things I was before. It's not that it is exactly the same situation, per se, but the same basic concept or principle I struggle with over and over. It saddens me to think that there are many more important things I could be doing, yet I'm stuck on the same thing...again. I know that God has grace for me, but I also think that we, as humans, have a tendency to either go too hard on ourselves, or far to light. I realize more and more how much I need God's perspective on my life, and the lives of others if I am ever going to be like Him.
Second, and on that note, I realize how difficult it is at times to see others through the eyes of our Savior. He loves everyone equally. It doesn't matter what sins we may have committed, because, well, we've all committed sins, which makes us all equally guilty and in need of the love and justification of our Redeemer. It's easy enough for me to tell others to love as Christ loves us, however the execution is oftentimes lacking in my own life. There are people I pray for, from time to time, and they are the people I should be praying for every day. There are people I may not like or get along with. However, God's plan for our lives are perfect, and there is no one in my life that He did not place there with a purpose. To that end, what is my example to those people? I should be loving them as Christ loves them: enough to sacrifice my life. That's saying a lot. To have that kind of love for anyone, even those we are close to, does not come naturally; so to extend it to people who are a frustration to us, this is a demonstration of our need for the grace of our Father and His teaching.
The third point: This is important because how we live our lives is the greatest example we can give to anyone. There are people we all know, people we love, who are in great need of the love of the Father. For whatever reason, these people have yet to accept this free gift of justification. If my life is the only example someone sees of Christianity, how should I be living my life? The Bible says not only to avoid doing evil, but also to avoid the appearance of doing evil so that our conduct may be seen as honorable among those who see us. It also says that even if what we are doing is not wrong, we do not want to cause others to stumble by our actions, so to be even more careful. This is not necessarily to say we must walk on eggshells at all times, however, we do need to take heed of the fact that our actions are not only ours as seen before God, but we are also accountable, to a degree, to those around us.
None of this is oppressive. Rather, when we live in this manner, it is liberating. God yearns for us to have the freedom of living in His presence. This is the only place we can be truly free.

The heart of Christ in the church, in me

These are the lyrics for Brandon Heath's song Give me Your eyes:

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
Hes out of work
Hes buying time
all those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten

Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

~~This song really struck me, because it is so true. We as Christians have lost the vision of love. Christ, when asked what was the greatest commandment, said "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 21:38-40) How can we claim to be followers of Christ if we are not loving as we were commanded. We need to have a heart for the broken hearted, for those who seem unreachable. To Christ, there is no one who is unreachable. We have hardened our hearts to the point where all we are concerned about is what God is doing for us, how we feel, and what we're getting out of something. Christ became the servant of all. How can I possibly refuse to serve when that is my purpose? How can I say I am following Christ when I am not loving those around me. Yes, as people, as humans, our nature is to be selfish and care about ourselves. That is why Jesus instructs others to "love others as ourselves". He know we will do anything to prevent ourselves from being hurt, or from dying (I'm speaking of eternal death here). Shouldn't we have the same concern for those around us? Shouldn't we have broken hearts at the pain people are going through, and they feel they have no hope. We have hope, so share it. God is great enough to share. He isn't going to run out, you can't share Him so much that you'll have none left. The pastor of the church I've been attending said something that really stayed with me. He said that the most selfish person in the world is the person who is content to go to Heaven alone. Yes, we are saved. But if we really want the heart of Christ, if you look at the world through His eyes, you will have to admit that it is not enough... you should be sharing His love with the hopeless, with the broken, and the needy. Have His love for the one's forgotten. It is not too late... Start now, today, with the person sitting in the room with you.

The Garden *from scripture*

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,
you who seek the LORD:
look to the Rock from which you were hewn,
and to the Quarry from which you were dug.
Look to Abraham your father
and to Sarah who bore you;
for he was but one when I called him,
that I might bless him and multiply him.
For the LORD comforts Zion;
He comforts all her waste places
and makes her wilderness like Eden,
her desert like the garden of the LORD;
joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the voice of song.
~Isaiah 51: 1-4

I wrote a while back about the garden, and the garden's Owner. It was and still is what the Lord is working in my heart. A lot of progress has been made in my heart, and it is a blessing to see how He is working in me. It is taking a lot more work on my part than I expected. For a long time, I was saying "God I trust You to work, I trust You to fix this" and what I really meant was "God, do this for me, because I'm tired of it. God do this and let me know when You're finished." Obviously, this is the wrong way to go about it, but it took quite a while for me to see that I was not trusting Him, I was actually just being lazy and expecting Him to do all the work for me. It is wonderful to see the joy and gladness being returned to my heart, and thanksgiving and the voice of song returning to my heart. Continued prayers are appreciated, as always.
God Bless!

Busy life, changing relationships

So... things are still going well. I'm enjoying my classes this year (with the exception of one) and now I'm just adjusting to the busy schedule. I've known for a while, but realized again that I do far better if my life is really busy. The more I pack into my schedule, the better off I am. I still give myself down time, but having loads of free time makes me procrastinate more than I should. I really like my schedule this semester. It's really full, but that makes it more interesting. I think I would go crazy if I was stuck at home all the time. The only thing I'm really having a hard time with is the change that's happening in a lot of my relationships. Last year, I relied a lot on my family and friends, refusing to let go and move forward. At the time it was okay, because some of the things that were going on were extremely trying and I needed my family.
Now, I miss my family a lot! It's a good thing though. It means I've got enough going on that I'm actually making friends and interacting with other people. It means that I'm moving forward. It's weird not seeing them or talking to them everyday, and the strangest thing of all is finding out things going on in their lives either a week after they happen or from someone else. Don't get me wrong, I still talk to them a couple times a week, but there's a degree of separation that was not there last year.
The other weird thing for me now is my relationship with my best friend. She is a year behind me in school, and things were really strained between us for a while. We finally worked it all out, and are rebuilding our relationship, however, it's really weird for me now that she's in college. It's like there's this part of my life that she can share now, which helps immensely. I'm super excited for her for the new friends she's making, the new activities she's in. I just feel like it's a part of her life I can't share. I'm sure she has experienced that when I went away. A lot of this will be less easier to cope with when I've actually seen her life up there. It will make it easier when I can picture it. I'm going to have to take a trip to Denver! :D

'08-'09 school year getting out of the starting gates

So, this year is off to a good start. I am so grateful for the church the Lord has led me to! The teaching there is sound spiritually, and I am so blessed! I am super extremely excited for my brother, who just got engaged! I have a fantastic apartment that is really nice. I enjoy almost all of my classes, and overall, things are going well so far. I'll post some pictures of my apartment soon.

The Garden

There is this wonderful garden. Inside this garden, the most amazing and beautiful flowers grow; carnations, tiger lilies, gladiolas, roses, daisies, bluebells, baby's breath, and millions more. If you are near the garden you catch wafts of the fragrant flowers. And, every once in a while, garden tender will bring out a flower from the garden and show it to a few people. These people are only those closest to the garden worker, those who posses the trust of the garden tender.

There is only one thing about this garden: not every one has access. Only the garden keeper and the owner of the garden can come into the garden. The reason: it is hidden behind very tall walls.

The garden is beautiful, but it requires a lot of work, and for a time, the garden worker did not want to put in the effort to keeping all of the weeds out. The garden keeper did not want to do anything, because, for a time, it looked as though all of the beautiful flowers had died in a fire. However, the owner of the garden continued to tend the garden faithfully, even when His garden worker saw it as a lost cause.

Now, she is back at work in the garden, and for a time it looked as though none of the flowers had survived. There are less flowers now, because many have to be replanted. And in the time the garden worker was negligent, many unwanted weeds started growing in the garden.

Now the garden worker must work to get the weeds out. However, there is one problem. All she can do is spray the weeds with weed killer, and some of these weeds have deep roots. So the garden owner, who is strong enough to handle the weeds must come and pull them out by the roots. This is a painful process for the garden.

The garden is still scarred from the fire that burnt it, nearly destroying it entirely. And the weeds being pulled out are new wounds on the burns. However, underneath the wounds and burns in the ground of the garden, new life is growing. There is beautiful new growth in the garden, and sweet fragrances are once again wafting out of the garden.

The final step will be when the owner of the garden decides that it is time to show His beautiful garden to everyone, and He takes down the walls. This will be a hard step for the garden tender, because she has seen the damage done to the garden, both by the fire, and by her refusal to tend it. When the owner says it is time for the walls to come down, though, she will rejoice in the life that has been rebuilt in this beautiful garden.

The things I'm looking forward to...

I can't wait to go back to school. I'm ready to be that kind of busy again, rather than just working non-stop.
I'm excited to house sit for my mom's coworker. Two whole weeks! It should be fun.
I'm looking forward to getting more involved with the campus ministry groups at school this year.
I can't wait to be in choir class again.
I'm ready to see how God is going to work in me in this school year. I kind of hope it's easier, but at the same time I know I've grown a lot. So if it's not going to be easier, at least I know there will be different challenges I will be facing.